February 11, 2008
Idea Crisis 2008: Sex and the Stupid
So we've seen how Hollywood has run out of ideas vis a vis films. But there's never any shortage of great new concepts for TV shows, right?
That, clearly, was an example of "sarcasm". Sarcasm is an ancient concept -- but it never feels old (if you don't agree, you should probably stop viewing this website immediately). However, there are some ideas that DO get old -- particularly when you keep REGURGITATING them. Ideas for TV shows can go from brilliant to CRAPulent in only a few derivative iterations. In order to see how this happens, I present the following:
Look, I realize that our planet is on the brink of an environmental catastrophe. We must all attempt to reuse, recycle and -- when necessary -- regurgitate. But MUST this apply to television programs as well?
January 02, 2008
Alien vs To Catch a Predator
June 19, 2007
Know Your Units
There's a rapper called Young Buck. He's a member of G-Unit, a sort of Anarchafeminist Hip hop collective. Well, he was a member. Now he's started his own unit. A New Unit. The inturrnet is all a flutter about this fairly shitty rapper and his amazing New Unit. With the inclusion of Young Buck's newly spawned Unit, there are quite a lot of Units out there. It's so hard to keep track of them all! In order to make it easier, I offer the following.
April 21, 2007
This is Why I'm WHAT?
March 05, 2007
PSA: Peanut Butter Crisis
For some people, it's always Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Normally, there's nothing wrong with that. However, in light of recent events, I'm thinking twice before I shove any peanut products down my throat.
March 02, 2007
Fun Facts: Endangered Species
February 16, 2007
Who's the Daddy?
Unless you've been living in a bomb shelter for the last week (lucky bastard), you already know: Anna Nicole Smith is dead. A recent mother, her newborn is currently in the middle of a ferocious multi-way custody battle. Dozens, if not hundreds, of men claim to be the biological father of one Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern. Here are just a few of the most likely candidates.
January 30, 2007
What If They Lived?
All the best rappers are DEAD rappers. And it's a damn shame! I often wonder what some of the most famous dead rappers would be doing these days, if they had lived...
November 10, 2006
October 07, 2006
The Blog-O-Sphere is all a-twitter about Mark Foley, a Republican Congressman who sent dirty emails to underage boys. FOX News -- always fair and balanced -- has covered this story admirably... except for one minor factual error. They keep referring to Foley as a Democrat.
Oops! Of course, lefty bloggers attribute this error to political bias on the part of FOX News. I suppose this could be true, but in FOX's defense, it is always hard to tell Democrats from Republicans. You certainly can't tell them apart just by looking at them. I've tried -- they all look the same! Well, at least they do on the outside. I've been told that Democrats have bleeding hearts and that Republicans have hearts that are cold and black in appearance... but I don't see how this information can help me distinguish between them. Unless I strap them down and cut open their chests, but there's probably a law against that.
In order to help you tell who belongs to what political party, I've prepared the following visual guide. I hope you find it helpful and informative.
September 18, 2006
PSA: Spinach Recall
In order to claim this website as a tax write-off, I'm required to post "Public Service" messages a few times per month. Stupid government regulations... I HATE serving the public. Anyway, here's an important message that could SAVE YOUR LIFE (or at least affect your choice of salad ingredients).
September 04, 2006
Steve Irwin Meets His Maker
August 29, 2006
Who Killed JonBenet?
June 26, 2006
In recent weeks, Major League Baseball experienced some high profile public relations SNAFUs. Offensive remarks, athletes in jail... the sport is grabbing headlines for all the wrong reasons. In order to prevent such incidents from occuring in the future, MLB has hired me -- Joey Headset -- to run Sensitivity Training Seminars for well known baseball personalities. I can't think of anyone better suited to this task.
May 23, 2006
If American Idol Didn't Exist
It's hard to imagine a world without American Idol, just as it is hard to image a world without poverty or war. Recently, I asked some of your favorite Idol personalities how different their lives might be if the show had never existed. Their answers may surprise you... but probably won't.
May 10, 2006
David Blaine's Next Stunt
May 04, 2006
Web Comic: Dem Franchize Boyz
April 27, 2006
Snakes on United 93
I like to see horrible things happening to aircraft passengers as much as the next guy... but is it really necessary to have TWO airplane catastrophe movies come out over one summer? I think the pair of films in question (Snakes On a Plane and United 93) could easily be COMBINED into one super-awesome film. Click on the image below to see a web-comic-simulation of such a movie's trailer.
April 17, 2006
Katie Couric Gets Her News On
January 22, 2006
Late Nite with Osama B
Osama's back. Again.
Seems like every few months, our friends at Aljazeera receive another grainy video tape from the aging al-Quada leader. He pops on screen, makes a few vague threats, gives a few shout-outs to his supporters... then ducks back into whatever cave he's been hiding in. Back in the day, this was good enough to buy Osama a few news-cycles... but these days pundits see the videos as desperate cries for attention from an increasingly irrelevant figurehead.
If I was working for Osama, I would tell him that he needs to go in a new direction with these videos: less menacing, more topical... fewer threats, more jokes. I would tell him this, then I would probably get stoned to death. Nevertheless... just in case Mr. bin Laden is watching, here's my concept, presented in the popular web-comic format.
January 18, 2006
Fed up with working long hours for low pay, the International Brotherhood of Corporate Product Mascots (Local 492) has gone on strike. While the union tries to negotiate a new contract, the mascots themselves have taken to the streets, rebelling against the products they used to shill.
December 27, 2005
Taste and OJ on Trial
Time for another
shoddy, sophomoric delightful webcomic.
Sticking with the TV commercial theme established last time, this week's comic addresses Miller Brewing Company's recent "Taste on Trial" ad campaign. Though most of the ads in this campaign have been well received, the networks considered the following 30 second spot to be... rather inappropriate.
I'll let you decide for yourself.
December 23, 2005
December 06, 2005
Comic: The Yoplait Girls
I've noticed that lots of people on the internet enjoy comics - or, "web comics" as the youngsters like to call them. Personally, I don't like them very much. I'm all about the written word (making those connections, the friendships that last a lifetime). However, since I'm also all about giving the people what they want... I'm introducing a regular web comic feature to this site. Don't everyone thank me at once.
This week's comic features those lovely, curd slurping ladies who just can't get over the deliciousness of Yoplait yogurt. Yes, it's the Yoplait Girls, in their first web comic adventure!
I'm sure you've seen these commercials - one girl compares the goodness of the yogurt to something, then the other compares it to some other, better thing - and they proceed in this manner until the viewer WANTS TO THROW UP. In this sense, the commercials evoke the same physiological response that the product does. Finally, a case of truth in advertising.
So here it is, the very first Joey Headset web comic. Click here to check it out!