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February 27, 2008

TV Review: Quarterlife

Let me take you back to simpler time. The 1990s, when flannel covered our asses and the grunge flowed like wine. In the 90s, we believed that people in their mid-20s were creative, interesting and bound to change the world.

Now that it's 2008, we know that we were wrong. So very wrong. And, as they say, "those who cannot learn from history are doomed to be ignorant jackasses." And if NBC's Quarterlife is any indication, ignorant jackasses are well represented in the TV industry. But, of course, we already knew that.

So, Quarterlife is brought to us by the same people who brought us My So-Called Life: the most overrated television program of all time.

THAT'S RIGHT FANBITCHES, I SAID IT: MY SO-CALLED LIFE WAS A PILE OF CONDESCENDING IDIOTIC BULLSHIT AND ANYONE WHO SAYS DIFFERENTLY IS A MORON.

Now that that's out of the way, we can talk about the other people that brought us Quarterlife. Well, it's not a person so much as a thing. The internet. You remember the internet, right? It's the thing you're looking at RIGHT NOW. Like most people, I'm a fan of the internet and a fan of TV. But, unlike most people, I believe that the two should never mix. NEVER EVER EVER. I've addressed this issue before, but to summarize: there are some things TV does well and some things the internet does well. When you attempt to put TV on the internet you end up with crappy resolution video streams that stall every five seconds. And when you try to put the internet on TV you end up with something that sort of looks like TV, but is ultimately unsatisfying.

Despite the name, Quarterlife has nothing to do with quarters... which are like my favorite coin EVAR!

tvr_qrtrlf_qrtr_1.jpg

Instead, the show focuses on a bunch of twenty-somethings who work in film and media and are all neurotic and miserable. And they all sleep with each other, but all wish they were sleeping with someone else who they're not sleeping with and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH CHANGE THE FUCKING CHANNEL ALREADY.

The show isn't terrible, I guess -- for an internet-based production. The show certainly LOOKS like it was produced for the net, with crappy lighting and not-particularly-attractive actors and actresses. The whole point of publishing content on the net is to put out edgy material that mainstream networks don't have the balls to broadcast. So the very fact that NBC was willing to put it on the air is proof that it was never worthy of the internet. The internet should be for groundbreaking creations like Ask a Ninja and Two Girls One Cup.

Furthermore, the entire show centers around some annoying chick whose main distinguishing characteristic is that she's has a blog. She blogs. She's a blogger. A member of the blog-o-sphere. How original.

tvr_qrtrlf_blgr_2.jpg

If my website, joeyheadset.com, proves nothing else, it proves that bloggers are not interesting, entertaining or worthy of your attention. EVER.

I give NBC's Quarterlife only one and a half Joeys. And that's only because I'm feeling generous.

Posted by Joey at February 27, 2008 04:32 AM

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