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November 13, 2007

Music Review: Soulja Boy

As a professional pop culture commentator, I feel it's critical for me to keep on top of popular music. I need to know what regular people are listening to: what songs rock Joe Sixpack's iPod; which tunes John Q. Public bumps in his ride. What hot tracks Danny Dumbass blasts from his clock radio while cutting himself with a rusty pocketknife and huffing Lemon Pledge.

The best way to keep abreast of trends in popular music is to simply listen to the radio. Easy, right? NOT FOR ME! You see, the radio in my car has been broken for a long time. Last time my car radio worked, they were still playing CREED on the radio (a fact that's not unrelated to how my radio ended up in a non-functional state). Technically, I suppose it would be possible to listen to the radio outside of my automobile. In my house, for example. But, the thing is, I have a *TV* in my house. And I really can't bring myself to listen to radio when I could be watching TV. It's like drinking skim milk when you could be drinking Rich Chocolatey Ovaltine!

But, just yesterday, I got a new car-radio. AND I LISTENED TO IT!!! Seems like a lot of things have changed in pop music since the last time I listened. For instance: they used to play many different songs on the radio. Now they play only one.

Soulja Boy's hit single is a revolution in hiphop minimalism. In fact, there's so little to "Crank Dat", there's a 68% chance that the song doesn't actually exist. And yet, for a tune that probably doesn't exist, Crank Dat is EVERYWHERE: The internet, the radio, internet radio, radio internet myspace youtube internet radio. The song features repetitive lyrics which describe an even more repetitive dance. Also there's something about Superman, Robocop, and "Super-Soaking". Oh, and hoes. Can't forget the hoes. Here's a visual depiction of the song:


The dance involves hopping on one foot, then leaning forward on one foot. Then doing both of those things again. And again. It's sort of like the Hokey Pokey, but for kids who are too retarded to distinguish between their right and left feet.

Music sure has come a long way. And if Soulja Boy's "Crank Dat" is any indication, pop music has come so far, it has plunged through the brilliant and sublime, looping back around to something I can only describe as Slightly Organized Guttural Noise.

Well... Slightly Organized Guttural Noise with lots of references to hoes. Can't forget the hoes.

Posted by Joey at November 13, 2007 05:26 AM

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