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July 09, 2007

The Monday Spew: Age of Love

In Age of Love, washed up tennis player Mark Philippoussis is looking for love. Will he find it among skanky 40-something bitches or will he instead hook up with perky-yet-intolerable 20-something hoes?

"Tune in when seven beautiful, sophisticated women in their 40's, playfully nicknamed the 'Cougars,' vie for the affections of 30-year-old Australian tennis superstar Mark Philippoussis, along with six fun, enthusiastic women in their 20's, coined the 'Kittens.' But only one woman can win Mark's heart. Is she an attractive, experienced woman who knows what she wants and has already carved out a niche of her own? Or, is she a sexy younger woman who lacks the experience of her older counterpart, but has an enthusiasm for life that only comes with the inexperience of youth?"

These are excellent questions. But I've got an even more interestinger question:


Yes. That's the question.

These dating shows are only as interesting as the "twist" behind them. Seriously, how excited are we supposed to get about a battle of bitchy, annoying post-adolescents vs. bitchy, annoying soccermoms? YAWN. That's not a twist. It's hardly even a tweak. Scarcely a twiddle. If you want to get my attention, and the attention of legions of fickle/jaded Reality TV viewers, you need to flip the script on this shizz... BIG TIME!

And that's exactly what I've done. I'm currently in talks with NBC to produce a new dating show that will REALLY get the bitties in the typing pool chattering during their coffee breaks. Here's an except from an upcoming press release:

"When it comes to love, age doesn't matter. But try telling that to a judge!"

"From the Producers of The Bachelor and Dateline's To Catch a Predator comes "Age of Consent", a thrilling new dating competition which asks the question: can you tell the legal hotties from the underage skeezers? Recently paroled bachelor Curtis "Assbag" Monroe hasn't been with a woman in over 18 months. Sexy romantic fun ensues when 12 vivacious bachelorettes compete for his heart -- and for a significant cash prize. The twist: some of these buxom beauties are only 15 years old! Each week these young women (the "Barely Legals") battle the REALLY young women (the Jailbait") for a date with Bachelor Curtis. If Mr. Assbag can eliminate the underage girls and select an age-legal finalist, the new couple will head off on a luxurious island getaway. However, if Curtis chooses wrong, he'll be humiliated by series host Chris Hansen and turned over to the LAPD."

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call "appointment viewing." Keep an eye out for it this fall.

Posted by Joey at July 9, 2007 01:44 PM

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this whole blog sucks - just a lot of whining about things that nobody cares about in the first place.

Posted by: creepazoid at July 24, 2007 11:21 PM

The only thing more pathetic than whining about things nobody cares about... is whining about someone who whines about things nobody cares about.

Posted by: joey at July 25, 2007 02:17 AM

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