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July 21, 2007

Harry Potter: Early Review

As I type these words, fans of Harry Potter are currently lined up outside bookstores across the country, eagerly awaiting the release of the final chapter of J. K. Rowling's popular series of novels. Meanwhile I, Joey Headset, am sitting in front of my computer. I've got a beer in one hand, and a copy of the new novel in the other! I've actually had it for weeks. IN YOUR FACE LINE WAITING PEOPLE! While those suckers wait to pay full price at Borders or Barnes and Nobles, I bought my copy for $7 dollars from an asian gentleman out behind the 7-11. He was selling them out of the trunk of his car, along with an intrigiuging collection of bootleg Malaysian porn. Anyway, I've finished reading the novel and BOY IS IT TEH AWESOME!

The final novel in the Harry Potter septet is full of surprises. Surprise #1: it's only 45 pages long! Some fans might be disappointed, since the earlier books generally clock in at 400, 500 pages. Personally, I appreciate Rowling's brevity. I'm not what you would call an "avid reader". I'm really not the kinda guy who "reads". You know... "books". But this one is a real page turner! In fact, readers will have to turn through several pages of advertisements before they even get to the first chapter. Most of the ads are for local escort services, which seems a little inappropriate for younger readers. But there are also coupons for my favorite pizza joint! This is quite convenient, since reading makes me MADD HUNGIEZ.

Anyway, on to the novel. SPOILER ALERT or whatever. The book begins as Harry Potter begins his seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft. Unlike previous novels, where the young wizard fights evil wizard Voldemort with his friends Hermione and Ron, book 7 takes Harry in a different direction. Harry spends most of his senior year the way most of us "muggles" do: skipping class and smoking a lot of weed. Magickal weed, in Harry's case. Makes you see unicorns and shit. Harry also starts a band and loses a lot of money on internet poker.

Toward the end of the novel, Harry gets pretty deep into credit card debt and has to go into hiding. He attempts, with varying degrees of success, to hide in plain sight, mixing into crowds in various exotic locations. This segment of the novel is largely presented in a pictorial format.

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While in hiding, Harry uses the alias Waldo. Apparently.

I'm not going to ruin the ending for you... let's just say it involves several more pages of ads for escort services. Anyway, the final Harry Potter book is a fitting end for a series that has brought endless pleasure to the sort of people who read Harry Potter novels. Therefore, I award it 6 Joeys. Specifically, 6 Joeys Wearing Goofy Glasses and a Wizard Hat.

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Posted by Joey at July 21, 2007 02:26 AM

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