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July 13, 2007

Don't Forget the Singing Bee

In this workaday world of cellphones, tv dinners and random sexual encounters in an Olive Garden restroom, who has time for television?

I DO!!!

But even I have my limits. Sure, I'm willing to watch a game show where tone deaf amateur singers try to remember the lyrics to shitty songs from 80s and 90s. But I draw the line at ONE show fitting this description. As it turns out, this is a problem. Shockingly enough, there are actually TWO new karaoke/lyric remembrance game shows on network TV: FOX's Don't Forget the Lyrics and NBC's The Singing Bee.

I know. I can hardly believe it myself.

Since, as a matter of principle, I am not willing to watch both of these programs, I'll need to decide which one is right for me. Let's compare and contrast.

First of all, what do these shows have in common? Well... they're both obvious, predictable, mind-numbing -- everything you could possibly want in a television program! Both shows also happen to reward contestants for their ability to remember song lyrics -- not for their ability to sing those lyrics. If only American Idol worked like this. Actually... I'm not altogether sure it doesn't.

So far as I can tell, the only significant difference between the two shows is the host. Don't Forget the Lyrics is hosted by comedian Wayne Brady. I don't really "get" the appeal of this guy. Perhaps fellow comedian Paul Mooney said it best when he famously stated that "white people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X". As game show hosts go, I would add that Wayne Brady makes Wink Martindale look like Alex Trebek.

So, who's hosting FOX's take on this marginal entertainment property? It's none over than Joey Fatone, member of 90s boyband, NSync.


Now kids, don't get too excited -- Joey's not the one who brought Sexy Back. That's Justin Timberlake. Nor is he The Gay One. That's Lance Bass. Obviously, he's NOT The Cute One. That's... whoever the fuck else was in the group. He the one who... well, let's just call him "The Other One." Even when NSync was at the height of its popularity, it was clear Joey Fatone was destined for bigger (read: smaller) and better (read: much smaller) things. As the host of a game show, Fatone can finally let his real talents shine through. Sadly, these talents amount to little more than the ability to speak in full sentences without drooling on himself. Clearly he's more than qualified to become our next president, but does he have the necessary charisma to be an effective game show host? Not so much.

So that's your choice: Brady vs. Fatone. Not much of a choice, really. Rather like being forced to choose between being punched in the nuts or being kicked in the nuts. Either way, OWWWW MY NUTS!@!!%*$*@!

Posted by Joey at July 13, 2007 10:36 PM

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