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May 28, 2007

The Monday Spew: Gilmore Girls Cancellation Aftermath

The CW, which is apparently a television network (SHUT UP THAT JOKE SO DOESN'T GET OLD), recently cancelled long-running fan-favorite Gilmore Girls.

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By "fan-favorite", of course, I mean that the show was EXTREMELY popular -- among the twelve or so people who can actually stand watching it for more than thirty seconds at a time. Hard core fans, who refer to themselves as Gilmorons, are very upset. What will they do without all that inane asinine "clever" mother-daughter banter? Fans LOVE Gilmore Girls dialogue, which suggests that they've spent so little time around other people that they've forgotten what normal human conversation sounds like. This certainly jives with the Gilmorons' well established reputation as socially inept weirdoes who rarely leave their homes.

Clearly Gilmore fans were never particularly "well-adjusted" individuals. And, in the aftermath of the cancellation, many psychologists worry that hysterical fans might harm themselves. In the interest of preventing mass suicide, here are a few suggestions -- Coping Mechanisms, if you will -- that can help fans of Gilmore Girls survive without their favorite show.

Get Another Kitty-Cat: A Nielson survey from 2005 indicates that the average Gilmore Girls viewer owns somewhere between four and seventeen cats. BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS GET ANOTHER! Nothing takes the sting off of crippling loneliness like a spanking new kitten.

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Pray for a Spinoff: The CW just cancelled Veronica Mars -- a show enjoyed by emotionally stable people who have personal relationships with real people. This leaves some empty space in the CW line-up for a show that reaches the creepy shut-in demographic. And what could appeal to that demo better than a Gilmore Girls spinoff! Daughter Rory may have left the nest, but that doesn't mean mom Lorelai can't continue with the fast-paced pop-culture savvy banter! The only difference? Now Lorelai's talking to herself! TV history will be made when The CW debuts "That Crazy Gilmore Lady Who Talks To Herself" this fall.

Xanax and Reruns: Pop a pill, pop in a Gilmore Girls Season 3 DVD. That's a recipe for Friday Night Magic.

Posted by Joey at May 28, 2007 11:43 AM

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