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April 02, 2007

The Monday Spew: Cheesecake

Do you like Cheesecake? OF COURSE YOU DO. Everyone loves cheesecake, even lactose intolerant people (for whom cheese based products are a one way ticket to severe gastrointestinal agony). Really, the only thing bad about cheesecake is how difficult it is to eat. Here, look at this slice of White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake from the Olive Garden.


Delicious, yes... but that looks like some complicated eatin'! With the crust and the whipped cream and the squiggly red stuff -- I don't even know where to start. Why can't someone take the cheesecake goodness I love and deliver it in a more convenient format?


Now THAT's what I'm talkin about. It's cheesecake filling, in a tub!

"Ready-To-Eat Cheesecake Filling" is brought to us by Kraft Foods, the same innovators who brought us Kraft Crumbles ("They're Crumbelievable!"). "One Step to Dessert Heaven." Sounds awesome! But, as always, you've got to read the fine print. On the package, consumers are instructed to "Simply spread Philadelphia Ready-To-Eat Cheesecake Filling into a 9" Honey Maid graham cracker crust, slice and serve." Spread, slice and serve? That sounds more like THREE steps to dessert heaven, which is two steps more than advertised.

Of course, one must assume that most of the people who buy this product will forgo all three steps -- instead opting to eat the creamy cheese goodness directly out of the tub.

Posted by Joey at April 2, 2007 08:57 AM

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