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April 10, 2007

Gatorade AM

It's 6am. You're already lacing up your sneakers, getting ready for an invigorating 6 mile run. Just as you step out the door you realize: you are SO thirsty! You could always grab some Gatorade, but at this hour, you're just not up for traditional sports drink flavors. "Glacier Freeze" and "Riptide Rush" taste great in the afternoon, but not this early. "God fucking dammit", you think to yourself, "why can't they make Gatorade flavors that are right for the morning?"

CURSE NO MORE EXERCISE ENTHUSIAST!

Introducing Gatorade AM.

dnf_gtrdeam_bttl_1.jpg

It's everything you love about Gatorade, but now in awesome breakfasty flavors like Orange-Strawberry, Tropical-Mango and Lunatic-Sadist. How MORNINGLICIOUS! Finally, Gatorade has developed a product that everyone can use!

And by "everyone", of course, I mean NOBODY.

Who the fuck goes running at 6am? Who's even awake at that hour (aside from Wal-Mart cashiers and those douche-bags on The Today Show)? I'm sure as crap not awake at dawn -- and if I was, the only running I'd be doing is a quick trip to the bathroom before crawling back under the covers.

I don't need special "morning flavors" of sports drink. In fact, I need the very opposite! I play in a hockey league that plays games at 9:30... ***PM***. I go to the gym in the evenings, play soccer at night. "God fucking dammit," I'm thinking to myself, "why can't they make Gatorade flavors that are right for the EVENING."

CURSE NO MORE JOEY HEADSET!

Introducing Gatorade PM -- an innovate sports drink product that I just invented! Gatorade PM contains everything I like about sports drinks, but in flavors I crave in the evenings. Flavors like: Vodka Rush, Bourbon Blast and Malt Liquor Frost. Gatorade PM quenches your thirst, hydrates your body and FUCKS YOU UP.

You just can't ask for more from a sports drink. Or from a bartender.

Posted by Joey at April 10, 2007 03:37 AM

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Comments

...but it's got elctrolytes! IT'S WHAT PLANTS CRAVE!

Posted by: takahiro at April 10, 2007 08:17 AM

Do I look like a PLANT to you?

No, seriously... do I? Because I've been told I look a bit like a fern.

Posted by: joey at April 10, 2007 09:44 AM

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