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February 08, 2007

Fun Facts: Black History Month

February is Black History Month. It's also National Bird-Feeding Month, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give free food to any of those filthy, squawking avians. In celebration of Black History Month, here are some Fun Facts about black history you may have overlooked:

Many people believe that African-American botanist George Washington Carver invented peanut butter. This is more folk-tale than reality; peanut butter existed well before Carver published his recipe. However, it is a little known fact that a black man invented peanut-butter's best friend: jelly! This delicious fruity spread was invented by Ferdinand "Jelly Roll" Morton, a man who would go on to become the first true composer of jazz music.

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Most people are familiar with Harriet Tubman and her Underground Railroad. The Railroad not only freed thousands of slaves but also sparked the African American's long love affair with public transportation. Though she was a remarkable woman, Harriet wasn't the only one transporting slaves to freedom. Before the Railroad, there was Carl J. Shoewermin and his Underground Monorail: a 1000 mile subterranean passageway that provided slaves a speedy and comfortable route to liberation. Historically speaking, Shoewinmin's Monorail generally gets short shrift to Tubman's Railroad for two reasons: A) because the Monorail project wasn't completed until well after Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation and B) because much of the Monorail was built by slave labor.

George Jefferson, protagonist of the groundbreaking 1970s sitcom The Jeffersons was a distant relative of "Founding Father," Thomas Jefferson.

The first "yo momma" joke ever recorded was written by the well known abolitionist and statesman, Frederick Douglas. In a letter to his friend Gideon PItts, Jr., Douglas wrote:

My dear friend Gideon,

Yo momma so stupid... she does not comprehend that the religion of the South is a mere covering for the most horrid crimes - a justifier of the most appalling barbarity, a sanctifier of the most hateful frauds, and a dark shelter under which the darkest, foulest, grossest, and most infernal deeds of slaveholders find the strongest protection.

Ooh, snap!
Respectfully yrs,
F. Douglass


Important dates in Black History:

April 6, 1937: Birth of Billy Dee Williams.

July 17, 1942: The International Conspiracy of Jewish Bankers (ICJB) agree to undermine black communities thourgh sneaky Jewish Banking manipulations.

March 24, 1947: The Alliance of Korean Shop-owners (AKS) joins The Jews in their persecution of black communities.

August 12, 1955: "The Man" is born to his parents, John and Jane Man (nee Whitey)

January 4, 1981: The CIA tricks thousands of black people into smoking crack cocaine by convincing them that crack is a new kind of menthol cigarette.

March 13, 1984: Church's Fried Chicken introduces saltpeter into their chicken batter for the purpose of sterilizing black men. In response, Kentucky Fried Chicken pumps their Original Recipe batter full of hormones that triple the fertility of black women.

July 3, 2006: Rapper Lil Kim released from prison.

Posted by Joey at February 8, 2007 07:39 AM

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