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January 08, 2007

Random Thoughts: Urban Edition

Sometimes my mind fills up with random and useless thoughts. Rather than ignoring these thoughts, like normal people do, I post them on the internet. Please enjoy.

Worst ever name for a rapper: Young Jeezy.

ATTN. Common: Years from now when you wonder when it all went wrong, know this: Your career ended the moment you uttered the phrase "Dave Champipple" in a Gap commercial.

If Fox wants their medical drama "House" to appeal to a more urban demographic, they should consider changing the name of the show to "Hizzy".

Every time I hear 50 Cent rap about sex, abstinence seems more and more appealing.

I wish Shaquille O'Neil would retire from the NBA so he can get back to doing what he does best: rapping. (Fast-forward to the 3:10 mark. It's worth it.)

Regarding the future career prospects of rapper The Game, I believe Bill Paxton said it best.

ATTN. Gwen Stefani: take a cue from Jewel: STOP YODELING.

So-called nerdcore rappers whose rhymes focus on video games and obscure computer references should be treated the same as great rappers like Tupac and Biggie. They should be shot.

Runner up for worst rap name: Tony Yayo.

If nothing else, mashups have taught us this: when you combine one shitty song with another shitty song, the result is (wait for it!) a shitty song.

When rappers refer to women as "bitches," it isn't because they don't respect women. It's because they don't respect bitches.

Hip hop music is responsible for some of the most appealing cliches in the history of popular culture. I encourage all rappers to embrace those cliches! If the good Lord didn't want us to rhyme "bitches" with "switches" He wouldn't have made those words rhyme in the first place.

Ol Dirty Bastard isn't dead. He faked his own death and now he's in hiding. One day he will return. WITH AN ARMY.

Posted by Joey at January 8, 2007 06:04 AM

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