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November 06, 2006

Joey Headset, Novelist

Like most pretentious assholes, I believe I've got The Great American Novel somewhere inside me. I can't say exactly where inside me (and numerous body-cavity searches have failed to shed any light on the matter). But I'm not discouraged. One way or the other, I intend to become a novelist.

There are many great reasons to write a novel. First of all, I've heard that many people enjoy reading. I'm not one of them, of course. I don't read novels, but I do sometimes watch movies based on novels. In my experience, these movies almost always suck. So, if I write a novel that doesn't suck, maybe there will eventually be a movie based on it that won't be a total ripoff. I'd probably get free tickets too, if it was based on my novel... so that's another plus!

Another reason to write a novel is because novelists get MAD respect. Just look at some of the brilliant and dignified individuals who are published fiction writers:


The life of a novelist is glamorous and exciting. I often see them on TV talk shows and is all "WOW, HOW DID YOU GET THE INSPIRATION FOR THAT CHARACTER?" and the writers are all "BLAH BLAH I KNOW A LOT OF BIG WORDS." That should be me out there, touring the talk show circuit and plugging my novel! I'd be all "BLAH BLAH I'M SO INTERESTING BUY MY BOOK."

Really, there's only reason I haven't yet written a novel. I'm lazy. Very lazy. Honestly, I can scarcely summon the will to bathe myself and put on clean underwear (though I suppose I wouldn't be expected to do either of these if I were a professional writer). Writing a novel always seemed like it would require more effort than I was willing to expend. Until now!

I recently discovered that November is National Novel Writing Month, AKA NaNoWriMo. The concept is very simple: NaNoWriMo challenges would-be novelists to conceive, draft and complete a 50,000 word novel is just 30 days. At this very moment, hundreds of talentless hacks are spewing horrible prose into their MacBooks and ThinkPads. Soon, I will be one of those talentless hacks! Since I only just learned about NaNoWriMo, I'm already behind the pace. If I'm going to get this novel done on time, I'll need to get started RIGHT AWAY. Well, right away... after I watch some TV and play a few rounds of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2007 on my PS2. TIGER TIGER WOODS YA'LL!

As I proceed with this novel, I'll post updates to let you know how it's going. Good novelists suffer for their art. I intend to make you suffer right along with me.

Posted by Joey at November 6, 2006 05:07 AM

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