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October 13, 2006

ROCKIN VW Promotion

I need a car.

Actually, I already have a car, but it no longer meets my needs. You see, any car I drive has to look COOL and have plenty of room for BITCHES. Also, it would be a plus if the car actually STARTED when I turn the key, rather than making a harsh grinding sound... as my current vehicle often does.

When shopping for a new ride, one must consider many different factors: price, gas mileage, reliability, crash ratings. These are all important features -- but fuck all that, I'm buying the car that comes with the coolest promotional gift.

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If I buy a Volkswagen Rabbit, Beetle or Jetta right now, I get a free electric guitar! And I can plug it into my car stereo!!! I am an avid Air Guitarist, and I've been waiting for an opportunity to transition my skills into Real Guitar. Plus, I've been looking for something entertaining to do while I drive... though I wonder how I'm going to talk on my cell phone, eat a burrito AND play guitar at the same time. Oh, and I guess I'll also need to steer the car... unless I can get one of those GPS systems that steers the car automatically. Those do exist, right?

But, I shouldn't be too hasty here. Though Volkswagen's guitar promotion is tempting, there are some other appealing promotions out there: Toyota is offering a free pair of Birkenstocks to every dirty, smelly hippy who buys one of their hybrid Prius vehicles. That's a sweet deal! Also, Chevrolet is offering a free mullet to anyone who test drives a 2007 Camaro. Stylish!

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Finally, if you purchase a new Hummer H3, you will receive a complimentary dildo from the Hummer Corporation. This may be the best deal of all -- now everyone who drives a Hummer can go fuck themselves! Of course, I've been encouraging them to do this for years...

Posted by Joey at October 13, 2006 04:14 AM

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