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August 18, 2006

My SPAM Portfolio: UPDATE

On Monday, I invested $2,500 in the stock market. The three stocks I purchased were recommended by a group of financial insiders who emailed me with (unsolicited) stock tips over the weekend. Now that trading has suspended for the week, let's see how my portfolio is doing!

For $500 dollars, I picked up 1851 shares of CDPN.PK, the China Datacom Corporation. Apparently, the 9 year olds working in Beijing's infamous "data sweatshops" worked EXTRA hard this week: the stock increased by 48%, from .27 to .40 per share. My $500 dollar investment is now worth $740. So far, so good!

Based on some hot tips from total strangers, I put $1000 into AGAO.OB, AGA Resources. I don't know what an AGA Resource is, but I know their stock price has increased. I got in at $1.94 and sold my shares at $2.00. Only a small profit of $30, but still a positive result.

Finally, there's KMA Global Solutions. I was pretty high on this stock, based not only on some emphatic email tips but also on my love of solutions and things that are global. However, the stock did not perform as well as I had hoped. Not even close. In fact, I think I may have been duped, tricked, deceived... pretty much fucked over in every conceivable way. Here, take a look at stock's performance over the last 5 days:


I bought 800 shares of KMAG.PK at $1.25 per share. When I sold it, it was only worth $0.65. I lost $480, nearly half my investment. I might have gotten more value out of this stock by holding on to it and using the stock certificates as toilet paper. From now on, I'm investing my money in PROBLEMS, not solutions.

Overall, my $2,500 investment depreciated to $2,290. Maybe I shouldn't get my stock tips from emails with subject lines like "BACON CONCEIVED" and "POTENCY ACCIDENT". On the other hand, I just got an email from this Nigerian PRINCE who needs an American citizen to help him transfer $10,000,000 out of Africa. If I give him my savings account numbers (HRF552838-T488) and Social Security Number (248-55-4891) he's going to let me keep 5%. Hot damn, that must be at least $5,000! Someone's springing for dessert at the Olive Garden tonight!

Posted by Joey at August 18, 2006 07:10 PM

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