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July 24, 2006

Poem: Downloading Porn at Starbucks

Looking over the last few months of posts, I'm starting to worry about my image. The "Joey Headset" portrayed on this site watches too much TV, listens to vacuous pop music and probably hasn't read a book since he graduated from college. I will not let this portrayal stand -- I don't care how accurate it is!

In the interest of adding some much needed culture to this site, I'm starting a new "Creative Writings" section. To get this this party started right, I've written a beautiful poem! Poetry is extremely CULTURAL, and very popular among adolescents with low self-esteem (that's my target demographic). Here's my first effort, I hope you enjoy it.

Downloading Porn at Starbucks
a poem by Joseph J. Headset

oh yeah
I've pissed off the baristas
really they should say something
pass along a tersely worded note
invoking corporate policy

it's cool though

the wifi signal here discriminates not
between the lefty blogs, the instant messengers
that occupy the other patrons
the hardcore German fetish she-male bondage porn
perused by ME
while I nurse this Mocha Venti Frappuccino(TM)

got the levels jacked
on these shitty laptop speakers
so, fellow customers
please enjoy
the sounds of lustful spankings
leather striking spandex covered German ass
moans and dirty talk
pronounced Teutonically

(behind the counter,
baristas glare and whisper
dispensing dirty looks
like so much Italian Roast)

you see
I paid five dollars for this stupid drink
five dollars for this fucking cup of coffee
I figure I'm entitled now
to sip and sit
enjoy this air conditioning
and, of course
to download all the nasty
German porn
the internet provides

Posted by Joey at July 24, 2006 11:57 PM

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As long as you bought "Free Trade Coffee," though, you are still going to heaven.

Posted by: Zen Wizard at July 25, 2006 09:12 PM

I think they also sell a bottled water product called "Ethos" that helps end poverty or something.

Posted by: joey at July 26, 2006 09:37 PM

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