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July 13, 2006

Movie Review: Little Man

I'm sure you've seen ads for this film. It features the Wayans brothers, one of whom plays a "little man" who pretends to be a baby. The other one gets hit in the head a lot. If you're unfamiliar, check out the trailer.

For this review, we're going to try something a little different.

Usually, when I decide to review a movie, I go and see the movie first... then I come back and tell you how much I hated it. Though I have not yet seen Little Man, I'm going to go ahead and give it 10 Joeys. That's an excellent rating! I must really like this movie.


(Those are actually Little Joeys, but they count the same as the regularly sized ones.)

OK. Now that I've given this movie a positive rating, it is incumbent upon me to go and see it. And when I see it, I must FORCE MYSELF to enjoy it as much as I just told you I enjoyed it. Otherwise, this review would be stupid and pointless. The trouble is, I'm not the sort of person who "likes things" or "finds things funny". It may take a few viewings before I come around on this movie, but I'm confident I will. Just to keep myself honest, I'll post updates after each screening.

UPDATE #1: Just saw Little Man. I feel dirty. It had a midget dressed as a baby, for chrissakes, how could it be this bad? SO MANY PEE AND POO JOKES. I'm never going to use to the bathroom again. Well, maybe its the sort of comedy that grows on you. I'm sure I'll like it better the second time.

UPDATE #2: Not so much. I'm totally screwed. Next time, I'm going to get really drunk before I see the movie. Maybe then I'll think its funny!

UPDATE #3: Yeah, I got thrown out of the theater. The booze didn't improve my enjoyment of the film, but it did inspire me to VOCALIZE my lack-of-enjoyment. Though I'm not really into marijuana, I've heard that people who get stoned think everything is hilarious. I know what I have to do next.

UPDATE #4: Is weed supposed to smell like cilantro? I smoked an entire bag of this stuff before seeing the movie and all it did was make me wish I had some fresh tomato salsa! I think that pot-dealer I met in the Taco Bell parking lot TOTALLY RIPPED ME OFF. (BTW, Little Man still sucks). Time to move onto the Class A drugs.

UPDATE #5: Heroin, crank, crystal meth, Scientology... I've put every mind altering substance I can get my hands on into my body. IT DOESN'T HELP. There's no way to alter my mind into thinking this piece of crap movie is worth watching. If only there were some way to massively decrease my (already limited) intelligence! That's the only way to make Little Man watchable.

UPDATE #6: WOOHOO! I did it! Turns out if you huff industrial solvents while watching reruns of Blue Collar TV, you can make yourself stupid enough to like anything that doesn't involve reading... Little Man included! Let's just hope the effects are temporary.

Posted by Joey at July 13, 2006 04:36 AM

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