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July 12, 2006

Go Stack Yourself

Take a look at this:


It's a cheeseburger. More specifically, it's 3 slices of beef, three slices of cheese and 6 strips of crispy delicious bacon. This food product, available at your local Burger King restaurant, is called the BK Stacker. And the best part? This is only the MEDIUM SIZED version of the sandwich!

You see, the BK Stacker is available in 3 different configurations. The version pictured above is the Triple, what with it having 3 slabs of beef. For lighter appetites (by American standards) there's the Double... which is really nothing more than a Double Bacon Cheeseburger with "Stacker Sauce". And then there's the Big Daddy Stacker: The Quad.

4 beef patties, 8 strips of bacon and 4 slices of cheese. Now that's a cheeseburger! Though there's no way I will ever EVER put one of these into my body, I can still enjoy it vicariously by scoping out the burger's nutritional data.


Some fascinating data here, worthy of further analysis. First of all, the sandwich is only 1000 calories! That's pretty filling, but it could be worse. Hardee's Monster Thickburger contains 1410 calories, and it only has two patties (though both patties are 2/3 lbs -- hope your colon has a sense of humor!). I was also surprised to find that the sesame seed bun contains fewer calories than the 8 strips of bacon. Attention calorie counters: you'd be better off replacing the bun with an ADDITIONAL 8 STRIPS OF BACON! Finally, how is it that the whole burger weighs 311 grams... but the individual ingredients don't weigh anything at all? Look at the "Weight(g)" column to the right of the ingredients: Bun, sauce, bacon, cheese, and beef: all weighing in at precisely 0 grams. Maybe its a typo. But I have another theory.

I believe that BK has developed a new kind of "weightless fat". Perhaps pigs and cows raised in a zero-gravity environment yield zero-gravity meat and cheese. SHUT UP THAT IS SO PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE! These new weightless food products will allow BK patrons to eat ridiculously huge burgers without gaining any weight.

To be clear, these patrons will still become morbidly and hilariously obese. But at least their lower body mass will increase the fuel efficiency of their extra-wide SUVs.

Posted by Joey at July 12, 2006 05:50 AM

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