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April 25, 2006

Take the Money, Dummy

Not content to spiral gracefully down the ratings toilet, NBC has finally generated a hit show: Deal or No Deal. It's the show where contestants choose or don't choose to win larger or smaller quantities of money. And there are sexy models -- sexy models holding briefcases (and I thought I was the only one with that particular fetish).

According to Deal or No Deal's host, (former) comedian Howie Mandel, viewers love Deal or No Deal because it's a game that "anyone can play". This is a nice way of putting it. The not-so-nice way of putting it would be to say that the game is total BULLSHIT. It requires no skill or intelligence on the part of contestants! Steven Hawking would fare no better on this show than any mouth breathing, NASCAR watching, [insert your own white trash reference] jackass you might pick up off the street.

This represents a major paradigm shift in the contemporary game show zeitgeist. SHUT UP I DO *SO* KNOW WHAT MOST OF THOSE WORDS MEAN! In old school game shows, contestants had to actually DO something in order to win money. They had to answer questions, eat insects... occasionally they had to spay or neuter their pets. Americans are a hard working people who admire those that help themselves; why would they want to see a show where people get money for doing nothing at all?

Because, it so happens that Americans are also an ignorant people who despise anyone smarter than they are (ie. anyone who reads books).


Since every hit program inspires a few dozen copycats, I can't wait to see a new generation of television game show. These new programs will reward boldness over wits, luck over skill, and good looking white people over conspicuously ethnic competitors (see also, Quiz Show). Here are a few ideas I think might be just as popular as Deal or No Deal.

American Philanthropist

Retired Exxon Executive Lee Raymond gives cash and prizes to contestants who are willing to kiss his ass in the most humiliating, personally degrading manner possible. Ray Ray's got a $400 million dollar retirement package... he's earned a little televised brown-nosing!

Pimpin' for Cash

Hosted (or should I say "HOES-ted" hahaha) by rapper Snoop Dogg, this is the first show that gives out big money to fellows who can convince their girlfriends to have sex with another man. Who is that man? Snoop Dogg himself! The further contestants can get their girl to go, the more money -- and respect -- they will receive from Snoopy D-O-double-G. Pimpin' ain't easy, but on this show, it is highly lucrative.

Get That Money!

Every week, a big pile of cash is dumped in a crowded public place: shopping malls, sporting events, unemployment lines. Citizens-turned-contestants scramble to fill their pockets, frequently beating each other senseless with sticks and rocks (graciously strewn about the money pile by the show's producers). Hidden cameras capture all the greed induced violence in glorious high-definition.

Posted by Joey at April 25, 2006 06:05 AM

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oh that is potty talk


Posted by: pondracket at April 25, 2006 11:52 PM

Greetings P-racket. Thanks for visiting the site. You know, I've seen you post on other websites, and it seems like you don't usually contribute much of anything to the discussion. Mostly, you leave a brief, meaningless statement, followed by the address for your own website. Seems like you might be a burgeoning comment spammer, looking to boost his google ranking. I could be wrong I've edited your comment (such as it is), eliminating the links to your site.

You know, just in case I'm right.

Posted by: joey at April 26, 2006 03:15 AM