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April 13, 2006

BlaK is the new Black

As a member of the Blog-O-Sphere, it's very important for me to try new products before everyone else. That way, by the time most other people are getting interested in something, I'm already nicely jaded about it (thereby allowing me to piss all over their enthusiasm). That's just the kind of guy I am!

My obsession with trying new products is especially keen when it comes to soft drinks -- Coke products in particular. So when I heard that the Coca-Cola Company had just released a new PREMIUM beverage, I actually phoned up local convenience stores to find out who was stocking it. What can I say, I'm a Coke Whore!

(Wow. That REALLY wasn't the best way to express my appreciation for Coca-Cola beverage products.)

Anyway, last night my annoying phone calls finally paid off! I infiltrated a local Quik-E Mart, and found the newest version of my favorite Cola: Coca-Cola BlaK.


What is Blak? I could describe it for you, but it would be much easier to copy/paste from a Coke press release:

"Coca-Cola Blak is not just a flavor extension. It is a blend of unique Coke refreshment with the true essence of coffee and has a rich smooth texture and has a coffee-like froth when poured. We believe we have created a new category of soft drink -- an adult product in a carbonated beverage -- and a whole new drinking experience. This brand is ideal for any part of the day when people are looking for renewed energy or simply to take a break."

OK. Let's break this down. First of all, WTF is a "Flavor Extension"? Is that a fancy way of describing Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Coke with Lemon, Coke with Lime, Coke Your Roommate Peed in While You Were Passed Out From Drinking? Secondly, what it is that makes a soft drink "adult"? In my experience, the only ingredient that makes a beverage qualify as "adult" is alcohol. Hence the term, Adult Beverage. However, BlaK has no alcohol content. Not even a little. Finally, regarding the alleged smooth texture and "coffee-like froth" of this drink -- I'm calling bullshit on that one. I poured Coke BlaK into a glass before I consumed it. It poured like Coke, it looked like Coke... it even frothed like Coke.

"But Joey, how did it taste?!?!" It tasted like Coke -- with a delightful coffee essence! I won't lie: this is a tasty drink. The fusion of Coca-Cola with coffee may be questionable in theory, but it's quite appealing in practice. The fact that this drink is a "mid-calorie" beverage (half of its sugar is real, half is artificial) didn't even bother me, since the coffee flavor masked the diet-cola aftertaste. I'm a big fan of Coca-Cola BlaK. However, there is no way I will ever buy it again.

Why? Take a look at this.


NO NOT MY HAIRY ARMS! Look at the price label. That's $1.79 for only 8 ounces! You can get a 20oz bottle of any other version of Coke for considerably less. Why the hell did they have to make it so damn expensive? It's just regular Coke with a little bit of coffee flavored syrup added to it. Do they really expect me to believe that coffee flavored syrup costs that much more than cherry or vanilla flavored syrup? I checked a few websites that sell flavored syrups, and they charged the same for all three flavors.

So if you really want to get the BlaK experience, but don't want to get totally ripped off, I suggest you buy your own coffee syrup and flavor your regular cola to taste. Either that or take a sip of Coke, a sip of actual coffee, and just swish them around in your mouth a bit before swallowing. It's cheap, and it gets you caffeinated. You really can't ask for more than that.

Posted by Joey at April 13, 2006 04:09 AM

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