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March 24, 2006

Porn 2.0

Everyone's talking about Web 2.0. Nobody actually knows what it is, but everyone is still talking about it. That means it's IMPORTANT - and I care about things that are important.

The whole Web 2.0 concept centers around a new wave of internet applications that are pretty much like the old ones, except better somehow. I've been closely following the Web 2.0 phenomenon, and read dozens of articles on how it will affect the future of communication, education, business and social networking. Yet - despite all this talk - net pundits have neglected to consider the one aspect of Web 2.0 that really matters to most internet users: How it will affect pornography.

Since nobody else is talking about it, I've put together a projection of how Web 2.0 will transform the net-porn experience for ourselves and for our future generations of porn-addicted, sexually dysfunctional children. I'll start the projection from our current technological circumstance: Web 1.0:

Web 1.0, Early Internet: The User launches Web Browser and seeks out pornography via Search Engines. Images load slowly, links frequently broken. Online porn experience often unsatisfactory, but the low price-point and lack of required human interaction is a marked improvement over pre-web porn.

Web 2.0, Advanced Internet: Pr0nBlogs, pRSS Feeds and Porn Aggregators streamline the porn acquisition process. The User no longer searches for porn. Rather, the blogs, feeds and portals have already done all the searching for him. The User merely subscribes to the feeds that feature his own preferred variety of perversion.

Web 3.0, Automated Porn Downloads: Direct human agency is finally eliminated from porn selection/acquisition. Rather than subscribing to Porn Feeds, The User downloads software that analyzes their existing porn library and automatically searches/downloads the porn that is best suited to The User's interests. His dirty, filthy interests.

Web 4.0, Smartporn: Automated Pornseeking software is replaced by Automated Porn Synthesis software. As before, the software analyzes The User's porn library. However, rather than searching the net for existing porn, APS software generates new pornography based on the sexual predilections of The User. California's San Fernando Valley suffers a crushing wave of unemployment as Smartporn renders the entire Adult Film Industry obsolete.


Web 5.0, Realtime Adaptive Smartporn: Advanced Neural Networking Algorithms and User Biofeedback eventually lead to a fully adaptive version of Smartporn. It knows what you want, when you want it. Pornography now modulates itself in reaction to the physiological responses of The User. The line between Porn and User becomes dangerously fuzzy.

Web 6.0, Porn Attains Sentience: The symbiosis between Porn and User eventually results in a fully conscious, self-aware Porn Singularity (probably initiated by some random power surge). Even shameless pervs find this development worrisome.

Web 7.0, ??????: Unclear what happens next. Perhaps in the future (as in Soviet Russia), Porn downloads YOU.

Posted by Joey at March 24, 2006 01:25 AM

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right now i'd say i'm at web 1.5. porn doesn't come to me like your site does via RSS, but i no longer have to search or deal with slow downloads. i'm very excited for the future of porn though. very. excited.

Posted by: takahiro at March 24, 2006 01:25 PM

I'm waiting for Realtime Adaptive Porn. It's the highest technological level porn will attain (before porn gains sentience and turns against humanity).

Posted by: joey at March 25, 2006 03:12 AM

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