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February 03, 2006

RANT: Super Bowl Commercials

A lot of people ask me, "Hey Joey, are you going to watch the SUPER BOWL?!?!"

I say, "No. I don't care about football." In truth, I do follow the NFL and have every intention of watching the Super Bowl. I only tell people I won't so they will STOP TALKING TO ME. However, when I tell them I don't like football, they will often say "Well, I don't really like football either, but I'm going to watch it for the commercials!!!"


I've been watching television for quite awhile now... let me explain something about how it works. TV consists of two elements: the show and the commercials. The show is the thing you watch. The commercials are the things that interrupt the show, giving you brief opportunities to get snacks, urinate, and - if you're lucky - make sweet love to your special lady friend. YOU DO NOT WATCH TV FOR THE COMMERCIALS. THAT IS STUPID AND WRONG.

Sure, Super Bowl commercials were fun to watch back in the day, back when most of the commercials were for dot-com companies that everyone knew weren't going to be around in 6 months. Watching those commercials, you could almost FEEL the bubble bursting! They should have had a stock ticker crawl on the bottom of the screen, so you could see the entirety of NASDAQ going down the toilet (while yet another $500,000 Super Bowl spot failed to establish even the most basic sense of what good or service the company intended to sell). Remember netpliance.com? OurBeginning.com? How about Epidemic.com? Now, there was a great name for an internet-business... if I wanted to contract some BIRD FLU, that's the first web site I would visit. Knowing that the very commercial that was intended to promote the business was almost certain to bankrupt the business... THAT was great television.

Sadly, those days are gone. These days, the Super Bowl ads are just more of the same crap I TIVO through during the rest of the year. There's no suspense, no surprises. I really don't care what furry woodland creature the nice people at Budweiser have anthropomorphized for the purposes of selling shitty beer to 6 year olds. And besides, if it turns out that one or two of the ads are actually worth watching, it's not like I actually need to sit through the Super Bowl to see them. All the good spots will be hosted on blogs the next day. You can always count on the Blog-O-Sphere to track down short, sort-of funny video clips and then BEAT THEM INTO THE GROUND LIKE A DEAD HORSE THAT TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE-HORSE AND THEN HAD TO BE BEATEN TO DEATH ALL OVER AGAIN. Don't believe me? Do a blog search on "Lazy Sunday", you'll see what I mean.

Here's my point: Watch the Super Bowl, don't watch the Super Bowl. But don't watch it "for the commercials." Watching television just to see commercials is a sin against nature and God.

Anyway... enjoy the game!

Posted by Joey at February 3, 2006 03:10 AM

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