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November 22, 2005

Game Review: 50 Cent - Bulletproof

Getting shot nine times was just the beginning.

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I remember when rappers were all about killing other rappers. And police officers! But that was before the emergence of 50 Cent. "Fitty" showed us that anyone can go around shooting people - but it takes a real man to get shot - over and over again.

Think about it: Tupac got shot. So did Biggie. And don't forget Jam Master Jay. But can you name any rappers that actually shot someone else? The first one that comes to mind is an MC called "Shyne". Never heard of him? He's the one who took the fall when Sean "P Diddy (or whatever the fuck he's calling himself this week)" Combs decided to shoot up an NYC nightclub. Basically, Shyne was Diddy's bitch - and his album flopped. Old school rapper Slick Rick also shot some people, and it didn't do much for his career either. Right now he's just trying to avoid getting deported. So listen up kids: if you want to be a famous rapper when you grow up, don't go around shooting people. Instead, try to get yourself shot... or at least stabbed.

50 Cent has been shot, stabbed - I heard he was even decapitated a couple of times. As a result, not only is the man a famous rapper, but he's got his very own video game. The game is called 50 Cent: Bulletproof... and boy is it awesome! Rappers have put out video games before, but never like this. 50 Cent's game is truly innovative. In most action games, players run around an urban environment, merrily shooting everyone in their path. However, Bulletproof is the first game where the object is for players to get themselves shot - AS MANY TIMES AS POSSIBLE. As you wander through each level, you must seek out drug dealers, petty thieves, disgruntled high school students and antagonize them until they pull out their firearms and put a few caps into your ass. As you successfully collect bullet wounds, you will see your Street Cred Meter (located on the lower left corner of the screen) rise. For each level, you must reach a specific Street Cred target in order to advance in the game.

In early levels, this is pretty easy. Wandering around Queens and various bad areas of New Jersey, pretty much everyone wants to blast a few rounds at you - especially if you activate "Rappin' Mode", by tapping the X button (this must be used sparingly, though - 50's Street Cred Meter decreases rapidly every time he tries to rap). However, as the game progresses, you find yourself in suburban and rural areas where citizens are far less liberal with their gatt usage. When you do manage to get some hot lead shot in your direction, you will find that the shooters have poor marksmanship compared to gun-wielders from early levels. This is when players must send 50 Cent into a slow-motion "Bullet-time" mode... which allows Fitty to dive into the path of any stray ballistics.

Also included on the game disc are a bunch of music videos as well as "4 CDs worth of 50 Cent and G-Unit music". I'm not sure what the purpose of this is - I think it might be used as a sort of punishment for players who fail to get 50 shot enough times in a given level - "ATTENTION PLAYA: if you don't get yo' ass shot in the next 30 seconds, you'll have to sit through an excruciating remix of Magic Stick feat. Lil Kim".

Anyway, this game is pretty hot. I'll give it nine Joey's... one for each time 50 got shot. (although, in reality, he only got shot 3 times... alas, there's no street cred for suckas who only get shot 3 times)

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Posted by Joey at November 22, 2005 02:12 AM

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