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September 28, 2005

6 Reasons Why Billy Ocean is Better than Lionel Richie

1. Billy Ocean was born "Leslie Charles". This name was weak and effeminate, so he decided to perform under the name Billy Ocean. That name is smooth and delightful. Lionel Richie was born "Lionel Brockman Richie, Jr." This name was weak and effeminate, so he decided to perform under the name Lionel Richie. Real creative, jackass.

2. Andre 3000, the more flamboyant member of hip hop duo Outkast, is a huge fan of Billy Ocean. In fact, Andre often refers to himself as Billy Ocean - it's sort of an alter-ego for him. Want to guess who named his alter-ego after Lionel Richie?

Adolf Hitler.

3. In his 1983 hit "All Night Long (All Night)", Richie delivers his lead vocal in a preposterous fake Caribbean accent. What the hell was that about? The man was born in Alabama for fuck's sake! Billy Ocean was actually born in Trinidad, so he would be perfectly justified if he occasionally lapsed into a Caribbean accent. But he doesn't... not even on his biggest hit, 1984's "Caribbean Queen". Why? Because Billy O. doesn't need to sing in some wacky accent to be freaking AWESOME. Too bad we can't say the same for Lionel R.

4. Have you seen Billy Ocean's daughter, Cherie Charles?

cherie-charles.jpg

Beautiful and talented! Just like her old man. Have you seen Lionel Richie's daughter, Nicole Richie?

wretchie.jpg

Beautiful? Not so much. And the girl only has one talent: Standing next to Paris Hilton long enough to make that skank look attractive by comparison. And Nicole couldn't even hold on to that gig. Pathetic.

5. Take a look at these images of Billy Ocean:

billythennow.jpg

Billy was smooth then, and he's pretty smooth now! Now, take a look at Lionel - first an older image, then a more recent one.

lionelthennow.jpg

Dork then, dork now. Although, I'll give Lionel credit for being remarkably well preserved after all these years. I guess all those years of SUCKING CRAP really agreed with him.

6. It's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the Ocean. NOT the motion of the Richie. That doesn't even mean anything.

Posted by Joey at September 28, 2005 11:01 PM

Comments

You are so right my friend,
I love your observation

Posted by: Mark at November 11, 2005 05:47 AM

Man, what are you smokin'?
I like Billy but....
Come on! He couldn't keep it up. His success fizzled out like a fourth of July glow stick.
On the other hand - Lionel quit. At the top of his game he just quit and walked away from it all. That was the only way he could stop the hit machine. Face it. Billy was good but he wasn't a hit makin' MACHINE like Richie.Do your homework.

Posted by: Mark at October 27, 2007 09:07 PM

Man, what are you smokin'?
I like Billy but....
Come on! He couldn't keep it up. His success fizzled out like a fourth of July glow stick.
On the other hand - Lionel quit. At the top of his game he just quit and walked away from it all. That was the only way he could stop the hit machine. Face it. Billy was good but he wasn't a hit makin' MACHINE like Richie.Do your homework.

Posted by: Mark at October 27, 2007 09:21 PM

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